today

I've been having such a down day today. I think this lack of money/job/gaining weight/blah ness is starting to get to me. I need something just not sure what.

I'm thankful for what I have... I just feel like something is missing. Like my confidence or my purpose. Maybe that's just me still in baby mode. I dunno...

On a side note: I started logging again with TDP. So I can keep track of all the calories I'm consuming. Yesterday I met Rachel at her house (and her giant bump ... she's due any second) I had a tignfnwwcm from starbucks again (the calories and milk made me feel bloated and gassy all day) and then we went to Wendy's where I had a grilled chicken caesar salad and a diet coke (only 490 calories total) which I found amazing for fast food.

For dinner I had turkey wraps with mustard and mozz cheese and some wheat thins with laughing cow wedge.

Oh and a pumpkin spice bar for 120 cals for bfast.

Today I had two pumpkin spice bars for bfast at 9a and then went back to bed till like 1p! I slept weird last night. Wasn't tired until like 4a.

I feel eh today.

oooooh

Just read this in my Redbook....

I'm excited about it and want to get them because I am a huge portion junkie.

1 cup/3 cups/they are all the same to me.

measureupbowl.com

Weight + Wii = SUCK ASS

I did Wii because I was in a good mood and felt like working out even though I was sore from yesterday. So I did two rounds of advanced step and felt sweaty and kept going and did a six minute round of super hula that I was hurting through and then kept going and did rhytmic boxing and kept going and did 30 rep jack knife and then did a minute cool down. Feeling good about myself I decided eh what they hey I'll weigh myself I probably still weigh the same and am just out of shape. Knowing that my last weigh in was a while ago and that I was super unhappy with that weight.... oh I GAINED 10.2 pounds. So now I am fatter than what I already thought was fat. And now I feel like shit about myself. UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Ian made fajitas for dinner. I want chicken and rice and tortillas :(
Maybe I'll just have chicken and veggies and a gallon of water.

Fajita seasoning from scratch?

We want to make Mexican fajitas at home but are not sure what recipe to use.... we don't just want to get generic 'fajita seasoning...

I Googled and found that most of the recipes use cumin, chili powder, cilantro, salt and pepper.

I found this one for shrimp: http://www.mexicanfoodrecipes.org/Mexican-Recipes/fajitas/shrimp-fajitas-recipe.php

Steak: http://www.mexicanfoodrecipes.org/Mexican-Recipes/fajitas/steak-fajitas.php

Chicken: http://www.mexicanfoodrecipes.org/Mexican-Recipes/fajitas/grilled-chicken-fajitas.php

Or this one: http://allrecipes.com/Recipe/Chicken-Fajita-Marinade/Detail.aspx

I think we'll try out some of these but first we need the ingredients!!!

I heart dill.

So I went to make meatloaf for dinner since I was so sore from the gym that I was going to stay home and it's like 430p so I find sour cream and measure it out and I need a 1/2 cup but find more like a 1/4 cup so I decide instead to add in Tastefully Simple dill mix stuff and some extra dillweed seasoning and eat it with wheat thins instead. SO good. Then I drank some lemonade (crystal light) and made a new pitcher of it.

Wednesday eats

Noon - 3 pieces of Aunt Millie's bread/1 can of chicken/light mayo/barely any relish/Saltines/wedge of Laughing Cow wedge/Cherry Coke Zero

I've been slacking on the journaling!

What is today, Wednesday?

I've been eating salads. Monday I had a tignfnwwcm from Sbux. Ummm I had spaghetti last night for dinner with a salad and a piece of garlic toast. And I went to Zumba. I hurt today!

Sunday dinner

I had two pieces of Aunt Millie's bread (cut in 4s), 1 piece of harvarti cheese, two squeezes of light kraft mayo, 3 pieces of honey roasted turkey (that comes in those tupperware containers), 2 slices of bacon, 1 roma tomato, a square tupperware spring mix lettuce/roma tomato (still from before), fake bacon bits, shredded parmasean cheese, kraft light done right rasp vinagrette salad. Oh and spring mix on my sandwhich from the tupperware container pre-salad dressing. And a root beer for 180 calories.

Bread - 80 x 2 = 160
Cheese- 120/slice = 120
Mayo - 20/TBSP = 40
Turkey - 60/5 slices = 3/5 = .60 = 36
Bacon - 70/4 slices = 35
Roma Tomato- 35/1 medium size = 35
Spring Mix Lettuce - 15/2 cups = 45
Fake Bacon Bits - 30/1 TBSP = 30
Shredded Parm Cheese - 110 = 110
Kraft Light Done Right - 60/2 TBSP = 120
Root Beer - 180/can = 180

= 911 calories

Saturday

Saturday I woke up super early (558am) then went to sleep 11a-3p then woke up and had a cup coffee at 4p. And a bowl of raisin bran and a bowl and a half of Cheerios - I was hungry! I had my normal light vanilla soy milk with it. And I added some sugar to the Cheerios. I had some vanilla caramel Coffemate with my coffee. Then later at like 8p Ian and I were hungry for dinner but wanted BLTs and didn't have stuff for it so we wandered to Meijer where we got milk, bread, eggs, muffin mix, razor blades, sushi, turkey, lettuce, roma tomato, turkey pepperoni, root beer, white cake mix, vanilla instant pudding, cheese, baked taco chips, wine, apple cider and I think like 4 of those were on our list. LOL but now we can make coffee cake, we had muffins for breakfast and I had sushi for dinner! Ian had a bacon sandwhich with cheese. We can also now make pizza melts, turkey melts. OH and shave again without a dull razor! Both of our razors were out of blades. Random but true. Anyway so I had 12 pieces of California rolls/sushi for dinner with 3 packets of soy sauce. Oh and 3 pieces of shrimp nigiri. It was GOOD. Seriously Meijer sushi is yummy. And I had a root beer.

Sunday (today) so far I've had a cup of coffee with Coffehouse Inspirations pumpkin spice latte creamer and two blueberry muffins with spray butter.

Friday eats

So Friday I had a pot of coffee (2 reg cups/4 cup coffee maker cups whatever) and creamer. And then I babysat and the kids were awful because they all had awful days at school. And then we talked and it was much better. When Ian got home I just wanted to get out of the house though! So I made him take me to Real Hacienda downtown one because I had to return library books... and I had a Burrito Real with chips/cheese dip/salsa/diet coke. It was good. So that's what I ate yesterday ta-da. OH wait and I had a little glass of wine.

Thursday

After the coffee, I babysat which included doing fake karate in my front yard with kids HAHA it was awesome. And then Ian made us breakfast for dinner so I had 3 waffles, 3 sausage links and scrambled eggs. Then later I was hungry at like 1130 because all I ate was that so I had a bowl of mashed potatoes, split some ramen with Ian and had a handful of Saltines and a glass of wine. Oh and two mini Baby Ruths. And while babysitting I had half a Nutty Bar.

Wednesday/Thursday

I need to go shower before the kids get off school. I get to babysit again today after weeks of not! I'm excited. Thinking of doing a turkey craft. Or something Thanksgivingish.

Anyway yesterday I ate two bowls of Raisin Bran.... had a Boca two chicken patty with light mayo on 9 grain bread with sweet relish sandwich. a normal cup of coffee with caramel macchiato creamer. (normal being in a normal sized cup not a big mug). At bible study I ate a TON. I had 8 ritz crackers, 7 slices of pepperjack cheese and 3 slices of some chocolate chip banana bread or something. And a glass of unsweetened iced tea with 3 sweet and lows. Then I came home and had a bowl of Chex Mix that Ian made while I watched tv. And I had a big glass of white zin.

Today I've just had a big mug of coffee with creamer. The milk in the creamer made me bloated enough that I haven't been too hungry. I guess it's a perk of being lactose intolerant.

YAY Zumba!

I went to the gym tonight and Zumba-ed! I really like going to the class at Hamilton Sports Complex because there are usually only 10-15 people there in a bigger space so I don't feel so crowded and I can get to know people more. I was so not motivated to go tonight but went anyway. I just made sure this time around to limit my jumping around to light hops or faster steps. Last time all the jump jumping made me want to throw up and/or pass out! It was awful. This time was MUCH better and I could go the entire hour without stopping!!!! I made sure to do jumps midway through and hit the last song hard. But paced myself better. I also went through almost 2 full water bottles. It was fun. Then I came home and made some chicken salad (canned chicken, light mayo, sweet relish) on Saltines (i ate like most of a sleeve of them). And then I had five slices of colby cheese. And about 1/2 a box of Cinammon teddy grahams. For lunch I had this Lean Cuisine teryaki chicken thing. I think that's it. I swear at one point I had peanut butter. That's like a given day for me. Oh and I had two mini fun size baby ruths and a couple handfuls of Chex Mix that Ian made.

I am leaving for the Dominican Republic family vacation on Dec. 26th so I need to not look giant in family photos on the beach.

This week

I had intentions to go to the gym but didn't. I also started writing in my food journal that I bought. It helped. But I also ate chinese food, Noodles & Co., Subway and lots of peanut butter and jelly. So this week I rate myself a D-

Disgusting

So I subscribe to this e-newsletter called How to Cook Like Your Grandmother.
http://blog.cooklikeyourgrandmother.com/

And it tells me some cool random info. Anyway I was catching up on them today (I read them in bulk when I think about it) and back in late August it featured the grossest thing ever at some Columbus BaconCamp.

First off - a full camp dedicated to bacon SICK. I hate bacon. The idea of bacon is gross to me. I don't know why. I like bacon but thinking about it is gross. And bacon with other meats like hamburger GAG. Why would you ever put TWO meats together. Death wish.

This is the grossest recipe they had from it.



That my friends is a "Apple pie, crust made with bacon fat instead of lard or butter, with a lattice-weave bacon top."

Here is the inside:


tell me that does not make you want to ever eat bacon again. SICK!

This shit is hard!

I swear that being in shape/thinner/normal for your BMI whatever for the rest of your life is the hardest thing ever!

I don't diet. I think dieting is stupid and pointless and only works if you want to say - get into a wedding dress that only comes in the size smaller than you currently or look thinner quicker but after the event/whatever is over - you just gain it back 10-fold. so it's stupid.

It's about forming the habit and making it a part of who you are. When people say, "Where's Mindy?" "Oh she's probably at the gym." You know that you are back to that point - er I do.

I went to the gym last night and Zumba-ed with Kendra. It was the hardest thing ever. I am so out of shape. I had to stop twice because I thought I was going to throw up (note: do not eat peanut butter and an organic bean and veg burrito the day of a workout) and/or pass out from light headedness and my face was beat red.

If you have never been to a Zumba class you need to find one NOW. It's not like a phase - like Curves or Weight Watchers. It's a dance class. That's it. It's cardio dance. It's like going to the club but without the creepy guys and drinking, etc. You can let loose to club-style yet easy choreography with other people doing the same. It's usually Latin, pop, country and hip-hop based - depending on the instructor. Go to Zumba.com to find a class in your area.

In Elkhart, you can go to
Eastlake Athletic Club
3400 Henke Road
Elkhart, Indiana
Thursday 04:30 pm - 05:15 pm

If you can't make that ... you can drive to Granger, Edison Rd., 23, Douglas Rd., Niles, IUSB, Goshen, Three Rivers. Wherever! Within 25 miles of 46514, there were 38 options and that didn't include the times/days just the places/instructors. And you can go to the site and chose a day you are free. And it usually only costs like $5 a class. Seriously. I cannot even tell you how much I recommend Zumba from just going to it. It literally changed my entire outlook on working out.

I am so out of shape that I am out of breath going up stairs and my feet/back hurt because of all the extra fat. My chin has a southern friend called double chin. My back fat is larger than my boobs. My boobs have merged into this weird armpit/above boobs fat. It's just unpleasant all around. And don't even get me started about my love handles and assive massive.

I am not saying that I am unhappy with the way I look or who I am. I love myself and I am confident and think I can still be sexxxy. I just flirted with some boys this past Friday at the Pivot Launch Party (that I took Ian too - Ian is amused when I flirt after a few glasses of wine. It makes him feel like I'm still human.) I just want to be healthier. I feel like a blob!

We are trying to get pregnant so what if I get pregnant and this weight and then gain 30 lbs even if I lose the baby weight do I really want to be 30 pounds HEAVIER than now?! NO WAY.

I would say how much I weigh but I've avoiding the scale since months ago when it hit 185 and I moved into a size 18. Um I'm only 5'3 and a half. My BMI was like 33 or some crap. I don't even want to know what it's done since then. that was like july.

SO once again I'm back to tracking/measuring/eating veggies/working out/blah blah blah.



ps another motivator for me is that I am going to the Dominican Republic on vacation in December. So I need to look decent in a bikini.

Look

Okay I might have fallen off the workout/eating bandwagon when I had my super awful ear infection because it hurt to move my face (walking, jumping, running) and I could only eat flat soft foods and well healthy foods aren't really flat or soft. So I ate soup, pasta, ice cream, okay I had doughnuts once. But now my jaw hurts a LOT LOT less and I think my ear is almost fixed because it's leaking stuff. Which I think is good for an inner ear infection. So I am trying to get back on track. Okay so the burger and onion rings I had at The Lemon Drop last night was not doing that BUT I had only had Subway 200 some calorie sandwich and 40 calorie Starbucks so it evened out.

Memorial Day Weekend

I haven't worked out for two weeks. I feel like shit. My jaw and ear are killing me this morning and I have slept five and a half hours. But I really need to work out. Not this morning because I'm going to work but very soon. And I ate crap food the entire holiday weekend. And didn't work out. It's just like with my ear and jaw, it hurts when I move. It hurts to chew, to talk, to yawn, to sneeze. It's awful. So I am almost positive it's going to hurt to jump and work out. Yawn.

duh

Oh ya I did come here to say something else ... last night at Wal-Mart I bought a new workout DVD that looks like Zumba.

I am going to try it hoping it will be more leg movement than upper body. We'll see how well that works out with my jaw/ear.

Here is a link:
http://www.buy.com/prod/10-minute-solution-fat-blasting-latin-dance-mix/q/loc/322/205813490.html

I'll let you know if I like it.

UGH

I have an ear infection from Hell. It is God awful. I don't know if it's an inner infection meets TMJ or what. But I know it's definitely an inner ear infection because I went to the doctor and got antibiotics. But from what I keep reading about jaw/ear pain it sounds like it could be TMJ too or both?! I dunno. I think that I grind and/or clench my teeth at night and I know I used to a while ago and I already have one of those mouthguard things but I think I should have gotten fixed and filed down before wearing it again because my doc said that made it worse. Apparently your teeth grow and shift on a fairly often basis. Who knew? Not me! Anyway so I haven't worked out for like a week because the movement and bouncing hurts my jaw. But I have been living off soft and/or liquid food because it hurts (like a MF!) to chew. And spit. And yawn. And pretty much anything that involves moving my teeth up and down or opening my mouth more than three fingers tall. (I tried that after I read it on a TMJ forum.) I can open barely to three and it starts throbbing in my ear and jaw. Anyway I'm just whiny and ick. I just want to chew food! And the pain is so awful and sharp. Alright that's all.